


Carried You With Me

by MikaelsonFan93



Series: Peter Stark Takes On The World - Cancelled [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Gay Harley Keener, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Peter Parker is Trying His Best, Peter Parker is a Mess, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is a great dad, peter parker comes out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26590207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikaelsonFan93/pseuds/MikaelsonFan93
Summary: Peter has been having recurring nightmares about Homecoming, so decides to have a much needed conversation with his dad.
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers(mentioned), Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Peter Stark Takes On The World - Cancelled [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815088
Comments: 1
Kudos: 100





	Carried You With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Peter does have a panic attack in this story, so if you don't want to read it, I totally understand. This takes place a few weeks after I Wanted To Be Just Like You.

Carried You With Me

Weeks had passed since Peter had gone back to school and as far as Tony was concerned, his son was basically back to his normal, hyperactive, chatter-box self. He would go to school, come home, do his homework in the lab with Tony and then go out as Spider-Man. Tony still wasn’t completely comfortable with his boy going back out as Spider-Man following the incident at Homecoming, but Tony knew his son was being extra careful. He was checking daily that his son was being careful. He would watch footage from Peter’s suit, not that Peter realised.  
Tony was sitting, working on a new suit for Peter, one that was a sleeker version of the Iron Spider suit, when FRIDAY spoke up.  
“Boss, I’ve picked up some distressing chatter from Peter to Karen. Would you like me to play the live feed for you?”  
“What do you mean distressing FRI?” Tony said, feeling his blood pressure rising. “Is Pete okay?”  
“His vitals indicate that he’s not injured, but he does have an increased pulse and his blood pressure is rising.”  
“Play the feed FRIDAY!” Tony said, worrying about his son.  
_“Shouldn’t you tell your father about your dreams Peter?” Karen asked softly._  
_“He would only worry Karen.” Peter said, “Besides, if dad knew that I was having nightmares about Homecoming and Toomes, he’d stop me from ever going out as Spider-Man again. I’ll figure it out.”_  
_“You know I’m programmed to have your best interest and to provide guidance, but I must remind you that there is a history of severe anxiety disorder in your family. Your father has suffered from panic attacks for many years”_  
_“I know he has Karen, but I guess I’ve just got a lot on my mind I guess. Between school, Decathlon, Spider-Manning, the internship, spending time with May.”_  
_“Which you’ve had going on for quite a while now Peter. I believe there may be more to it than you’re admitting.”_  
_“There is. But I’ve only ever said it out loud once to Steve and I don’t know if I can say it again. I don’t know if I can tell anyone else just now.”_  
_“If it helps Peter, I’m not technically a person. I’m here as an Artificial Support Network for you. You can tell me anything, without fear of judgement.”_  
_“I know that Karen. I just don’t -” Peter said, stopping himself. “Maybe I should talk to Steve again. He’s already had the same kind of crisis that I’m going through now.”_  
_“If you believe that would help, I can contact Captain Rogers and have him meet you at the Tower?”_  
_“Could you? It might help?”_  
_“I believe it would help. I’ve sent a text message to Captain Rogers. He’s read the message and is currently typing his response.”_  
_“I’ll wait until I get home to see the text.” Peter said quickly. “Karen, I don’t suppose you could delete the footage of the last 10 minutes, could you?”_  
_“I’m afraid not Peter. Only your father has access to delete footage.”_  
_“I knew it was a longshot, it’s not like Dad ever watches my patrols anyway.”_  
“FRIDAY, can you stop the footage please?” Tony said, pacing the floor. His mind wracked with what his son might have on his mind. Why would he go to Steve? When did he go to Steve? Was Peter really not taking their family’s obviously shared mental health problems seriously? Tony rubbed his hand through his beard and sighed. He knew he and Peter needed to have a conversation really soon, but he didn’t want to overwhelm the Spiderling.

* * *

Peter swung back to the Tower, climbing in through his bedroom window. He quickly checked his text from Steve and changed into a pair of sweatpants and an oversized SI hoodie. He went into his ensuite and brushed his teeth, before walking into the living room, praying that it was only going to be Steve waiting for him. He found Steve sitting on the sofa, mug of cocoa in his hand and a book in his lap.  
“Steve, thanks for meeting me.”  
“Of course Queens, your text said it was important!”  
“It is, but I know we haven’t really talked since the night in the medbay.”  
“You’ve been busy, plus you didn’t need me and the other Rogues messing your head up while you were still recovering.”  
“I appreciate that.” Peter said, sitting down beside Steve on the sofa.  
“What’s going on Kid? What’s wrong?”  
“Ever since I spoke to you in the medbay, I’ve been struggling with the thing I admitted to you.”  
“Peter, you never need to struggle on your own! You know you’ve always got me and your dad would be there for you without even blinking an eye. He’d love and accept you, no matter who you love.” Steve could see the cogs turning in the boy’s head. He knew that look. He’d seen it in the mirror a million times. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”  
“I’ve been having a lot of nightmares recently.”  
“What about?”  
“Homecoming. The night I fought Toomes. The night he dropped a building on me.”  
“That’s completely understandable though. You went through something incredibly traumatic.”  
“It’s always the same dream.” Peter started. “It always starts the same. I’m buried under the rubble. I’m screaming for my dad, I’m so scared and alone. The smoke and the dust are coating my lungs, I keep coughing. I can feel every crack of my bones. Every single bone that’s been broken. The pain’s magnified tenfold. Then my dad arrives. He’s on his own, you and Uncle Rhodey aren’t with him. He crouches over me, his helmet comes off and he looks me in the eye. The look of disappointment, the resentment in his eyes. It’s always too much for me. Then he speaks.” Peter explained, his eyes filling with tears, his pulse speeding up. He could feel a panic attack coming on, and he didn’t want it to happen. Not now. Steve could obviously tell what he was going through his head, because he got off the couch, sitting his mug down as he crouched in front of Peter.  
“It’s okay Peter. Just breathe.” Steve said gently. “It’s okay, you’re just having a panic attack. You’ll be fine.”  
“S-St-Steve” Peter stuttered out. He could hear his heart beating in his ears, could feel every bead of sweat forming throughout his entire body. His chest getting tighter, his lungs burning like they were on fire.  
“Okay Peter. Can you do something for me?” Steve asked, and the boy nodded his head. Steve could tell the boy wasn’t entirely sure if he could though. “I need you to list 5 things you can see.”  
“W-What?”  
“Five things kiddo. Look around and tell me 5 things you can see.”  
“O-o-k-kay,” Peter gasped out. He looked around the room, his eyes falling on Steve’s book. “Y-y-your book,” He said with a large gasp. “Y-your mug, the-the- the TV, the ki-kitchen counter, m-my phone?”  
“That’s great Peter.” Steve said with a soft smile. “Now, can you tell me four things you can touch?”  
Peter nodded again. “Your hand, the couch, the floor, my legs.”  
“Amazing. Now 3 things you can hear?”  
“Sirens, your breathing, your watch ticking.” He said, still gasping between each word. His stutter was starting to recede and his breathing was beginning to even out.  
“Great, now two things you can smell?” Peter nodded, taking a deep breath through his nose.  
“Cocoa, lasagna?” Peter breathed slower.  
“One thing you can taste?”  
“Mint from when I brushed my teeth a few minutes ago.”  
“You did great kid. You feel better?”  
“I think so. Can you get me some water please?”  
“Of course. I’ll be right back.” Steve said, rushing into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of water from the fridge. “Here you go.”  
“Thanks Steve. For the water and for you know, helping me through my panic attack.”  
“Any time kid. I’m always here for you. Are you ready to finish your story?”  
“I think so. Where was I?”  
“Your dad opened his mouth to talk in your dream?”  
“Oh yeah. Well in the dream he always opens his mouth to speak. He tells me that I’m an embarrassment, I’m not worth saving. He calls me weak and tells me that he wishes I had been killed when the building collapsed. He always tells me that he doesn’t love me and is disappointed with who I’ve turned into. That he’s raised a dirty little queer, like me.”  
“Okay, first of all. Tony would never say any of that to you. You know that kiddo. He loves you more than anything else, more than he loves himself and you know how much he loves himself!” Steve said, obviously trying to make Peter laugh, which worked.  
“I know.”  
“Secondly, Tony would never reject you because of your sexuality. You know what this sounds like to me?”  
“No?”  
“It’s internalised homophobia.”  
“Steve, I’m not homophobic!” Peter said defensively.  
“I know you’re not Pete, but subconsciously, your brain tells you that you’re not right to feel the way you do. That liking the same gender is wrong, even though you know it’s not.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah. Trust me, I’ve been there. I went through it in the 30s and 40s and then again when I came out of the ice.”  
“And what got rid of it?”  
“For me? It was accepting who I was. That I was in love with Bucky and there was nothing wrong with it. Love is love at the end of the day.”  
“I thought I was accepting who I was though.”  
“You do, but on some level, you’re not fully comfortable with it.” Steve said, squeezing Peter’s knee. “It might help if and when you tell your dad.”  
“You think I should?”  
“I’m not gonna force you out of the closet kid, but I do think it’ll help. It may actually help with the panic attacks.”  
“You’re probably right Steve. Thanks again. I’m gonna go talk to my dad now.”  
“Queens, you sure? Don’t make any rash decisions.”  
“It’s not a rash decision. At least, I don’t think it is.” Peter explained. “I told you like a month ago and I’ve known this side of myself for a while. Why am I keeping it from my dad? You said it yourself, he’ll understand and accept me, regardless. Besides, I don’t need the whole big, extravagant coming story. Sso I’m gonna go to the lab, I’m gonna force my dad to take a break from whatever he’s building and tell him.”  
“You want me to come with you kid?”  
“No, I think it should just be my dad and I”  
“I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Peter quickly pulled Steve into a hug before practically running to the elevator.

* * *

When Peter entered the lab, he found Tony tinkering with one of their back up webshooters they had been working on. Peter could tell his dad was obviously trying to keep his mind off of something. He had the same look on his face that Peter had when he was trying not to spiral out of control. He’d seen Tony make that face a million times over the last 14 years, but this time it seemed different.  
“Dad?” Peter spoke softly, Tony too deep in thought to hear the teen. Peter cleared his throat and spoke again. “Dad?” Tony’s head shot up, and his eyes automatically zeroed in on Peter’s face. He could see his tear soaked cheeks and the red puffy eyes.  
“Pete? What’s wrong Bambino?” Tony said, throwing his screwdriver on the bench as he rushed to his son’s side, ushering the boy to the sofa.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Or I will be.”  
“What’s going on kiddo?” Tony said, sitting sideways on the couch, watching Peter sitting cross legged on the sofa. “Before you say anything, I have to admit that I overheard part of your conversation with Karen from earlier.”  
“What? How?”  
“FRIDAY always monitors Karen’s feeds for anything happening while you’re on patrol. She picked up on your conversation and thought I should know.”  
“How much did you hear?”  
“I know you’re having nightmares again and I know you’ve just spoken with Steve. Are you going to share what’s going on?”  
“Actually, I am.” Peter said, taking in a deep breath. “So basically, what it is, and I totally don’t think it’s a big deal, so I don’t know why FRIDAY thought it was something that would interest you and-”  
“Peter! You’re rambling!”  
“Right, sorry. So, the nightmares.” He started, staring at his fingers. “So it’s always the same. I’m under the rubble. I’m screaming for you to come save me. I can feel all the broken bones again and I can’t stop choking on the smoke. Then you get there, but Steve and Uncle Rhodey aren’t with you. Your helmet comes off and you come down beside me. You tell me I’m a disappointment. That I’m weak and not worth saving.” Peter looks up from his hands and into Tony’s eyes, which he can see are brimmed with tears.  
“Do you think I would ever say that to you?” Peter shook his head. “There’s more, isn’t there?”  
“Yeah. In the dream, you tell me you’re disappointed in the person I’m becoming. That you’re ashamed to have raised someone like me.”  
“Someone like you?”  
“D-Dad, I’ve got something to tell you.”  
“That much I gathered Pete. Whatever it is, you know I love you.”  
“Dad, I think I might be bisexual.”  
“And?” Tony asked, expecting there to be more. “Is that it?”  
“Well, yeah.”  
“Peter, you realise I’ve known you your entire life right?”  
“Yuh-huh?”  
“I remember when you were about 7 years old and you came home from school, and you were really upset and confused because someone, I’m assuming it was that little jerk Eugene, called you gay. You asked me what gay meant and I told you.” Tony explained. “I explained that gay meant that a man loved another man, or a woman loved another woman. Do you remember what you said?”  
“No, I don’t.”  
“You asked me that if you loved another man, would that be a bad thing.”  
“And you told me that no matter who I loved, I would always be your son and you’d never stop loving me.”  
“Exactly. You’re the only thing I’ve ever gotten right in my life, and whether you’re gay, straight, bi, trans, non-binary, I don’t care.You’re my child and you’re my life.” Tony said, tears falling from his eyes. “And I gotta tell you kid, I always had my suspicions about you and Fred.”  
“It’s Ned and I don’t have feelings for Ned.”  
“Oh you don’t? Who do you have feelings for? Eugene? Abe? Charlie?”  
“Harley.”  
“Harley? As in my Harley? Potato gun boy?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Why would you have a crush on potato boy?”  
“I don’t know? He’s cute, he makes me laugh, he’s smart as all hell, plus he knows I’m Peter Stark and Spider-Man, so that makes my life a whole lot easier.”  
“So, I think now’s probably the best time for me to tell you that Keener’s coming to town in a few weeks?”  
“He’s coming here?”  
“Yup. Looks like I’m gonna be playing matchmaker.”  
“Dad, we don’t even know if Harley’s into guys.”  
“Peter, Harley came out to me as gay when he was 13.”  
“Okay, so even if he is gay, he probably doesn’t feel the-”  
“He likes you too. I guess he’s a glutton for punishment.”  
“Hey!” Tony smiles at his son, putting his hands on either side of the teen’s face.  
“I am so proud of you kiddo! You’re really growing into a remarkable young man!” Tony laughed. “Oh, it means we have our first openly bisexual Avenger.” Tony said, walking towards his workbench.  
“About that…” A voice came from the elevator door. Peter and Tony turned to look at Steve standing there awkwardly.

**Author's Note:**

> Tony is such a good dad :')


End file.
